Why English Is Difficult As A Language
There is no egg in eggplant or ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple,
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does
a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a
play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Sweetmeats are candies, while
sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted. But if we
explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings
are square, and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers
don't fing, grocers don't groce, and
hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2
meese?
One index, two indices?
How can the weather be hot as hell one
day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, we say it burns
down.
You fill in a form by filling it out, and an
alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but
when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start
it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
English muffins were not invented in
England or French fries in France.
How can 'slim chance and a fat chance' be
the same, while ' wise man and a wise
guy' are opposites?
Now I know why I don’t like English.
It's not my fault but the silly language
doesn't quite know whether it's coming or
going.