The more I hurt people d more I hurt myself, I wish to pour my hrt out to someone bt I fear dat I'll b criticized even condemned. Someone once told me dat I'm a pretender bt I denied it, thinking about it I'm beginning to think d name fits. I am frm a christian home, I had good upbringing bt... I was in boarding school at a "girls only" school all thru my six years. Dere was really no contact with guys. It all started in my SS1, I was 13 going on 14, when I had my 1st bf, I had other guys bt nothing happened till after school, then I was dating my 6th bf n he deflowered me, any feeling I had for him died dat day. I started going out with another guy, at first it was purely sexual bt I started having feelings for him, then he didn't pay much attention to me, I diverted my attention to a guy adjacent our house, he was more my age, we dated for jxt 2 weeks b4 we broke it off, I tot he was too childish, his mom died n he had no dad, he had to relocate to be with his siblings, he called me and said he wants us to remain friends. Meanwhile,I gained admission dat same year. I broke-up with d guy dat deflowered me coz I hate him more with each passing day. My feelings for d other guy grew, bt he jxt won't pay much attention to me. in school, I met a really nice guy, he is rich bt it's nt about d money, it's abt d status, i agreed to date him literally bt practically, I wasn't. I dodge him a lot, he's jxt boring. Wen my bf started paying attention to me,it was after 3 years, I had like 3 other guys I was sleeping with, his friend inclusive(few times). He talks more abt how he loves me, oneday I was at his place, I went thru his fone wen he was away (to knw who he's been messing with) then I stumbled on a chat with his bestfriend, he told d guy he's beginning to love me... Bcos of dat, I stayed away frm my wayward ways for sometime, I even tried to abstain frm sex totally even with my bf, bt I back-slidded more than once. coincidentally, I met d guy dat deflowered me recently n he's asking for forgiveness n wants back with me. D real guy I'm dating said he wants us to start being honest with ourselves n put more to our relationship, I had a chat with d rich dude, it was more of him begging me nt to hurt his feelings, he even made me promise nt to leave him. My bf's friend won't stop telln me he loves n misses me and it's annoying, my "neighbor, ex and friend" who relocated told me he wants a second chance to be able to prove to me dat he loves me nt minding my way of life (I actually told him like one- hundreth of it, can't tell him all, though he been a good shoulder to cry on) bt seriously, I've not seen him for close to 2 years now. It hurts me dat dis guyz don't knw d truth or d whole truth abt me n dat's y they're saying what they're saying, what hurts me most is how my dad always tell me he is proud of me and my mom using me as example for my younger one, only if she knew. Dis is a confession. I don't want any advice, I bliv I knw knw d right path, I've known d right path all along bt I jxt didn't want to accept it.