My husband and I have been married for 4 years and while we hardly ever fight, I feel like there is no love in our marriage. I am not trying to justify cheating but I will mention some of the issues that led me down the path to being with another man.

I feel like right after we got home after our honeymoon he was a different man. It was as if he checked off the marriage box and felt like his job was done. The loving, caring husband suddenly became nothing more than a roommate. Having conversations with him, going out or doing any activity together felt like a chore to him. He was just happy drinking by himself in his room, or heading out for a night out with friends even before I got home from work.

Sex was always a problem even before we got married. He really wasn't too ambitious in the bedroom, nor did he last long enough to satisfy me. The reason why it wasn't a red flag before our wedding was because he was actively trying to improve himself in that area. After we got married he gave up in that regard too, and even let himself go to a point where the physical attraction between us was gone. I also felt like my sex drive increased after we got married so that didn't help the situation either, and I found my self spending a lot more quality time with myself and my toys.

I know those are just the negatives that make it sound like a terrible marriage, but at the same time he was reliable in other regards, and we never did fight over our issues. I guess I just wasn't the type of person to nag him or push him too much to improve. I just settled and gave up trying to change him.

That brings me to the other man that I will call Jim. Jim and I were coworkers in an office for a couple of years from around 2013 to summer of 2015 when our company laid off a slew of people. Jim and I became close not long after we started working together and I think over time we began flirting with each other whenever we were alone. Jim was a humble, yet quirky guy that people in the office loved. He was cute and took care of his body but wasn't arrogant compared to some of the other good looking guys in the office. There was obvious chemistry between us that some other coworkers had picked up on as well.

While we were coworkers I couldn't help but sometimes daydream about eloping with Jim. Jim was of Indian background but born in Canada and I think I have for a long time had a fantasy about being with man of tan skin. I think it might have to do something with growing up in a town that was pretty much 99% white, and having parents that didn't want me dating any man of a different race. Of course I could only daydream about him at the time since I was married and he was a coworker.

Things got a lot different last summer when a bunch of us, including Jim got laid off by our company. I remember talking to another female coworker whom I was close to about memories from our job. While talking about the men that we worked with she mentioned that she briefly was in a friends with benefits relationship with Jim. She had mentioned how the sex with him was wonderful, and on top of that he was surprisingly well hung (i'm not a size queen but it did add to the fantasy). At first I felt jealous that she had been with Jim but as time went by I felt like my fantasies about Jim had become more intense knowing that he was great in the bedroom.

I knew at that point that I wanted to be intimate with Jim but couldn't really do anything about it. I felt bad for having those thoughts but I would push them away and remind myself of my fantasies. Jim and I would keep in touch online, and often talk via ***** chat. Looking back I don't know what got into me one night while staying up late and chatting with Jim. While chatting online that night I blurted out my love for him and how I wanted to be intimate with him. He laughed it off at first and said he didn't want to be the one that ruined