This isn't something I'm proud of. For the first time of my life, I have made a bad choice.
Highschool was pretty terrible for me, I didn't like it at all. I wasn't really good, I had bad grades, and it was mainly because of my laziness.
Fortunaly I had friends, I still hang out with some of them, and I consider myself very lucky to have them. I had a long time best friend too, that I met when I was very young. With girls it was more complicated.. Before that time I already had had one or two girlfriends, but I wasn't lucky at all in Highschool. I was "interested" in a girl, that was surrounded by others interested guys. She used to take advantage of it, and play with them (and me). I was in her friendzone, but still, she constantly made me think that I will get a chance with her some time. I really was stupid at that time. One year later (A whole year and more) , I gave in, I gave in being her dog. After that, I met another girl, she made me hope that we could get together too, but few months after that, she got in a relationship with one of my closest friend.. Few days after that, my grandfather died. The accumulation of all of that, made me feel really bad, my social life was shitty, I lost a member of my family, and my friends were all busy with their own problems ( I can understand that ).
I didn't even want to get up the morning, and get to highschool, my grades were becoming shittier and shittier, I didn't want to see my friends because the one that betrayed me was in the group etc.. I looked depressed everyday, and one person saw it, a girl I didn't know much at that time came to talk with me, so I could feel better.
After that we started to talk everyday for months, because we were highly similar, we had the same music tastes, the same video games taste, the same humor, the same way of talking. But it was only a friendship, really. I didn't want AT ALL to get with her, I didn't even think about it.
She made me feel better about myself, she made me more confident, less weak to all of this. But mainly I had someone to talk, someone that looked like me, and it really used to make me feel better everyday.
Unfortunaly, it turned out badly. We fell deeply in love with each other.. The problem is, the girl was my bestfriend's girlfriend. It was the shittiest situation ever.
I didn't want to let her go, I understood that I ***** ed up the moment I started talking "innocently" to her. When we confessed to each other, we started to panic. "What are we gonna do ?!" , "I don't want to do this to him", "But I don't want to stop talking with you".
I had to make a choice and I went blindly with the bad one.. We continued to talk to each other, few weeks later I kissed her, and then few weeks later again and again. We were cowardly hiding.
I was struggling everyday, because I couldn't watch myself in the mirror, saying to myself I betrayed my bestfriend, It was hard saying hello to my bestfriend and thinking about what I had done.
With her it was the same thing, she was feeling guilty, saying she never thought she would cheat on her boyfriend one day, she was depressed too.
Many times we stopped talking to each other, we used to say "I can't handle this anymore, we have to stop" and then, 3 days later start again..
I was deeply in love with her and she was deeply in love with me, even today this is something i'm convinced of. I didn't want to break the relationship of my friend because he was in love with her too..
We kept this hidden relationship for 6 months but during 6 months we only saw each other 4 or 5 times. At the end I understood that our relationship was leading to nowhere, that I didn't want her to break with him, she didn't want it either. I understood that she loved both of us.
So I stopped, I stopped before it getting too serious, we didn't mak