Im a 20 yr old male and since I was 16 Ive lied about my virginity. I almost lost it with a girl when I was 16 but something came up last minute. My friends were asking me about it and I didn't want to admit what happened so I lied and said I did it. I was the first in my group of friends "to go through with it" and they thought I was really cool. The thing is, I find the whole process of making out and being naked really strange and I don't enjoy being unclothed much. So I decided not to pursue it any further. Over time, I didn't want to admit that I lied though so I got really decent at telling stories and mimicking the way others told stories about having sex to bolster my own believability. I've been in 2 short relationships that have ended because of this. I feel like I can't deal with the pressure of being that physically with someone but by now I have a lot of friends where I've already mindlessly played the part of "sexually nondysfunctional" so I don't know who to tell so I can let the pressure off myself of this random lie. I don't know yhe worst out come of just admitting it but I feel like this adds a lot of paranoia into my relationships. I am dishonest and I don't want other people to see it in me so I don't make much more than fleeting eye contact. I kind of hate myself a little for not being able to just to complete the social expectation and I get so horny when Im alone sometimes but not in the presence of actual women. I bought a prostitute once but it was still juat awkward and weird. I know im the most egreguous set of lies in name of sex but this stresses me out a lot because I think Im an otherwise honest, genuine person with this huge redmark on that. Like a single broken pane on a stained glass window. I want to fix it but I don't want to make my relationships weird. Can someone just tell me what they think of this? Brutal honesty. Thank you.