It was 5pm; Yemisi and I were planning to attend church service by 6pm. I closed my eyes to take a quick nap but Yemisi started “We need to do something drastically before It gets too late, Funke.”
“Something like what, before what gets too late?” I asked as if I had no clue of what she was referring to.
“We have to get married before we turn
thirty years old and we are almost there!”
Yemisi continued in her usual dramatic
manner.
“Point of correction,you are almost there. I still have about 2 more years” I said to
console myself. “I heard about this wise man, let’s give him a try.” She added.
I told her that I was not interested in
visiting any native doctor but Yemisi
persisted. She said that she had heard
positive things about him; he was just an
old man who spoke words of wisdom and
could for-see the future occasionally, and
that his abilities had nothing to do with
juju. Shaking my head vehemently
throughout her speech did not detain her. She continued talking adamantly until I finally gave in. She promised to make all the arrangements and so all I needed to do was to follow her to Baba’s place (as she addressed him) and tell him what I wanted in my man.
On the day of our appointment with
Baba, I began to scribble on a piece of paper as I waited for Yemisi to get dressed. “What are you writing down so seriously?” she asked. I showed her and she read it aloud:
My dream man: –Tall, handsome, Yoruba,
Anglican, good job, generous, good
dentition,caring/lovi ng,at least a master’s
degree, good dancer,preferably bilingual
“Are you crazy?! Where are you taking this list to?” she started yelling.
“But I thought you said we could tell Baba exactly what we wanted” I said in my defense.
“I never said he was a magician. Don’t bring that stupid list along please” she said as she threw it into the bin.
We began our journey to Baba’s house; it
was located in a faraway place in the
outskirts of Lagos. I had never been there
before and the road leading to his place was crooked and eventually led to a pathway through a forest-like
environment. The atmosphere crept me out and I became paranoid, jumping over stones and sticks on the pathway and screaming at every insect that moved. I kept complaining along the way to Yemisi – “How did you even get to know such a place? Who did you say introduced you to him? Really, I hope this is not one of those spiritualists in Nigerian movies? When are we getting there…?”
“Shh! We are here now” Yemisi finally spoke after ignoring me for half an hour.
Baba’s house did not look as dodgy as I had half-expected it to be. It was a small but neat place and did not have any red ribbons or clothes tied anywhere around. In front of the house, there was a chalk-written sign board that read: Finding your dream man or woman. Please take off your footwear before you come in.
I was slightly impressed that the words were spelt correctly with punctuation marks and my nerves began to calm down slowly. I only wondered whether some men actually came here for sessions too .We followed the
instructions and went in. Baba sat at a cane chair, wearing a pair of trousers and a singlet and chewing bamboo stick. He did not stand to greet us and merely grunted to our greetings. He looked like he was in his seventies and barely spoke but when he did, he spoke quite well. Yemisi did most of the talking while I nodded. We were asked to sow some seeds before we started our session and my skepticism began rising again. Yemisi seemed to have expected this and did not hesitate to donate some money on our behalf. Eventually he asked her what
she wanted in her husband and her
response was “Any man that can take good care of me, financially and otherwise.” “Very good and very easy” Baba said. “You will meet a man on the twelfth day from today. He might not seem attractive initially as he is bald and but don’t turn him away because he’s the one for you.” I almost burst out laughing and had to refrain from r