different types of naija spouses

23 Mar 11, 07:23 PM, Africa/Lagos

1. If you have no sense of humour and you are under 18, go no further.
2. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect my views so dont beef me! lol
3. With this in mind, you may proceed...

IBO HUSBAND
PLUS:
> > 1. He is very loyal
> > 2. He maintains monogamy
> > 3. Could be very yielding/gullible
> > 4. Gives you access to all his assets
> > 5. Follows your advice and directions to the letter
> > 6. Spends money on you for comfort, good looks and happiness
> > 7. Takes care of your kids

> > Minus
> > 1. Could be very unromantic-Romance is limited to spending money,
> > spending money and spending money
> > 2. May be semi-literate or illiterate.
> > 3. May marry you early and deny you of access to life/youth.
> > 4. More likely to be crude and unrefined
> > 5. Always has a large family to cater to and take care of plus
> > apprentices etc
> > 6. May not be presentable
> > 7. May be horrible in bed and/or sexually illiterate/unwilling to
> > explore.
> > 8. Could be gullible/easy to deceive
> >
> > YORUBA HUSBAND
> > Plus
> > 1. Could be very romantic.
> > 2. Could be caring
> > 3. Tries to maintain leadership in the home.
> > 4. Disciplines kids well
> > 5. More white-collar career inclined
> > 6. Literacy level is usually high

> > Minus
> > 1. More likely to philander
> > 2. More likely to eventually marry another wife
> > 3. More likely to marry you for your money/connections.
> > 4. Could be highly assertive.
> > 5. Most times you would take care of yourself after a while.
> > 6. You may eventually separate with nothing to show for it.
> > 7. Family members may be given priority.
> >
> > EDO HUSBAND
> > Plus
> >
> > 1. Believes in marriage

2. Takes care of you and your needs.
> > Minus
> > 1. May end up not taking full care of the kids
> > 2. Could be very harsh
> > 3. Does not take any nonsense
> > 4. You may end up taking care of him
> > 5. You cant cheat on him.
> >
> > URHOBO MAN
> > Plus
> > 1. Believes in marriage
> > 2. Takes care of you and your children’s needs.
> > 3. Loves to give good sex
> > Minus
> > 1. Get ready to have 16 children
> > 2. You may end up taking care of him
> > 2. You cant cheat on him.
> > 3. His romantic nature is very harsh and forceful
> > 4. Very demanding in bed
> > 5. Be sure to accommodate two more wives, girlfriends and dont
> > employ a pretty househelp.
> >
> > EFIK MAN
> > Plus
> > 1. Will effectively take care of the culinary activities in your
> > absence.
> > 2. Is usually very religious
> > 3. Hardworking
> > 4. Good in bed
> > 5. Quite organised and clean.
> >
> > Minus
> > 1. Be prepared to have 12 kids
> > 2. Your cooking may not be good enough
> > 3. He will either be very ugly or very handsome. no line between.
> > He will also either be very short or very tall. Same with your kids
> > 4. Prepare to have a husband like 25 years older than you in his
> > fifties.
> >
> > HAUSA MAN
> > Plus
> >
> > 1. Hardly believes in premarital sex.
> >
> > 2. Very religious
> > 3. Takes care of you
> >
> > Minus
> > 1. You may be wife number 4
> > 2. You may be wife number 4 at 14
> > 3. You have absolutely no say in anything, anywhere and anytime.
> > 4. If he passes away, you may be transferred to another family.
> >
> > Different kinds of Nigerian wives
>
> > the urhobo wife
> > PLUS
> > 1 always loyal/faithfully(chea ting is outright abomination)
> > 2 very hardworking and self reliant
> > 3. Very F…… your brains out.(even when you are quarelling)
> > 4. very good cook(banga soup,owo,peppersoup,s ea food specials
> > 5 can persevere even in poverty conditions
> > 6 accommodating if a second wife shows up
> > 7 She's used to her working while you get high at home.
> > 8 would lay down their life for their children and is very
> > respectful to her in-laws
> > 9. If you like to drink, you'll never be short of a partner.
> >
> > MINUS
> > 1 argumentative
> > 2 stubborn
> > 3 alcoholic tendencies
> > 4 a high level of gra- gra
> > 5 very very very vocal
> > 6. very smart and hardened( can never see her in tears)
> > 7 She'll short your booze ration
> > 8 She respects you with serious warning.
> > 9 Very sharp and wise to take action
> >
> > YORUBA WIFE
>
> > Plus
> > 1. Very respectful to husband
> > 2. Very respectful to in-laws
> > 3. Most times educated
> > 4. Yielding and submissive
> > 5. Likes sex.
> >
> > Minus
> >
> > 1. Would most likely have had one kid for another man before you
> > and after you.
> > 2. Will most likely cheat at 65% with one Uncle or Oga at office.
> > 3. Possibly give you another man's kid in between your kids
> > 4. Tells her mother or sisters or friends everything.
> > 5. May jazz you up.
> > 6. Will fill you with pepper, palm oil, assorted and amala.
> > 7. Probably will marry another man even if you split at 60 years
> > of age.
> > 8. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, the
> > uncles will finally start to drop her off in front of the house with a
> > peck.

> > IBO WIFE
> >
> > Plus
> > 1. Loyal to her husband
> > 2. Gives kids good nourishing food with vegetables and many spices.
> > 3. Is very clean.
> > 4. Is ready to fight anybody alongside her husband and break their
> > head or even fight while the husband watches.
> > 5. Even if her husband leaves her at 30, she has only a 3% chance
> > of remarrying after kids.
> >
> > Minus
> > 1. Very disrespectful to everyone including you.
> > 2. After breaking the neighbors’ head will one day break yours.
> > 3. Only regards you as a man if you have money.
> > 4. Views love as spending power.
> > 5. May not really love you but will marry you because you are
> > ready and her real lover isn't.
> > 6. Will spend every dime of yours without touching hers
> > 7. Does not tolerate your in-laws and disrespects them.
> > 8. May stop shagging you after 35.
> > 9. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she
> > will become VERY in submissive and her family will finally remember
> > what a useless in-law you are.
> > 10. When there is a fight, her brothers will come and join to break
> > your head.
> >
> > EDO WIFE
> >
> > Plus
> > 1. Cannot cheat on you
> > 2. Can also cook good food.
> >
> > 3. Looks after kids and you.
> > 4. Very respectful
> > 5. Most times well endowed.
> > 6. Very thrifty
> > 7. Always has one brother or sister in Europe to bail you out in
> > hard times.
> > 8. Does not leave you even if you are semi-dead, quarter dead or
> > dead.
> > 9. If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she
> > remains loyal but after building 10 houses you have no idea about.

> > Minus
> > 1. May have signed your death day the day you were married.
> > 2. You have a 98.75% chance of dying before her.
> > 3. Eventually you die and she becomes the landlady.
> > 4. Or she may have built her own house while you guys were still
> > staying in a room and parlor without you knowing.
> > 5. May have done runs before you got married.
> > 6. Always calculating how to send your children abroad for ANY
> > kind of job
> >
> >
> > HAUSA
> > Plus
> > 1. Everything good.
> > Minus
> > 1. If you are not a Muslim, no chance.
> > 2. You may eventually have to show her were the promised land is.
> > 3. Even when you do, it must be in the dark.

> > EFIK/IBIBIO WIFE
> >
> > Plus
> > 1. She will load you with so much good food that every other thing
> > is poison
> > 2. She will also f.... your brains out.
> > 3. Also loyal and respectful but will also break your head if you
> > misbehave.
> > 4. Very clean.
> >
> > Minus
> > 1. She will f.... your brains out finally.
> > 2. She will either be very slim, have an extremely large arse or
> > be very short.
> > 3. You will share shaving stick as she may have facial and chest
> > hair.
> > 4. Even if you wanna leave her, the f**king and feeding will keep
> > you coming back for more.