By which I mean, the image both parties portray on the first few dates is a long way from the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So how on earth do you get to know the real her before it's too late?
The answer is that you can't, at least not completely. But you can look out for clues to her personality and the sort of girlfriend she's likely to make. Some of them will be positive, but some of them will be dating red flags no man should ignore. Here are a few of the worst offenders...
Aggression
It could be mentioned casually, or even as a joke, but the moment she talks about the time she threw something at an ex is the moment the dating red flag should start flapping away in your mental breeze.
Don't run yet or at least not until you know the facts. But it does require further investigation. Did she throw a cuddly toy (fine) or a china plate (oh dear)? Was it a one-off, or a regular occurrence? Did he deserve it (always remembering that he would have had to go some to deserve the china plate)? It might not be a throw. Maybe she hit him, or threatened him, or just flew into red-hot rages at the slightest provocation. It could be that, as more details come out, you reckon he didn't deserve it while she believes he did. You might believe that even mild aggression has no place in a relationship, while she cites unbearable provocation. There's no definitive right or wrong in that situation, but it does show a fundamental mismatch in outlook that should give you pause for thought.
Loneliness
You'll spend a long time on the first few dates talking about what she likes to do in her free time - her interests, passions and hobbies. One red flag to look out for is the creeping impression that nearly everything she does she does on her own. If not quite friendless, she certainly spends a lot of time enjoying her own company. What's the problem? Well, possibly none, because she may love it that way, or she may have just moved to the area and still be in the process of making friends. But there's also a chance that she is genuinely lonely, and will quickly attach herself to you, limpet-like, as the man to rescue her from long solitary nights. Which is great, if that's what you want too. And if she has very few friends, you have to ask why. Again, there may be an entirely innocent explanation, but it's worth your while digging it out before you commit.
Playing the field
Hopefully you won't spend a lot of time discussing your respective exes on the first few dates but the subject is bound to come up. An obvious red flag to be aware of is recent heartbreak. If the love of her life dumped her within the last year you should probably proceed with the utmost caution. A less obvious one - because the details are less likely to come out - is the serial try it-and-run merchant. Women have just as much right to play the field - to try before they buy - as men. But it's worth being forewarned that this is what she's doing, so you don't fall head over heels with a woman to whom you're just one of several options. So look out for a history of abrupt endings ("I just walked out one day") and the sense that she didn't like - or at least didn't fall for - any of her exes ("he was an idiot"). Chances are, you won't be the man to change her footloose ways.
Rebounding
In most situations, people on first dates don't like to give away too much. They don't want to appear too keen, desperate or needy. If it's not so, an alarm bell should start to ring. Yes, it's great to feel wanted so quickly but of greater importance for your long-term happiness is why she so desperately wants a boyfriend. And if she starts talking about a future with you in it, or asking if you want children, or grilling you on your own readiness for a "proper relationship" - all in the first few dates - desperate is what she is. Because - let's face it - after two or three dates she barely knows you (unless you are dating a friend), so how can she be sure you're such a great catch? In fact, she almost certainly isn't sure, so there must be some other reason for her neediness. And the usual one is that she's on the rebound. She may be canny enough not to mention the fact directly, fearing - quite rightly - that it would put you off. There may be vague mentions of a previous long-term relationship, but that was "a while" ago and she's "over it now". You need to know about that ex before you get in too deep. If she wants a boyfriend so desperately, it could be in the misguided attempt to bandage the wounds of recent heartbreak. We all carry past relationships around, but they should be very much in the past.
Evasiveness
You're a few dates in but she never takes your calls (only answers texts), you have no idea where she lives and only know that her workplace is "somewhere in town". She hasn't accepted your ‘Facebook’ friendship invitation and she insists on meeting in some pretty out-of-the-way places. If any or all of that is true then, as red flags go, it's hardly a subtle one. She's keeping you at arms length for some reason, and if you want to keep dating you'll need to find out what that reason is. It could be perfectly innocent, of course. She's had a few bad dates recently and wants to keep her distance until she knows she can trust you. But any of this could also be a sign that she's dating multiple men or is dating behind her fiancé or husband’s back. The first might be perfectly acceptable (you may be doing the same) but it's good to know where you stand. The second is a disaster waiting to happen.
Whatever it might be, this slippery behaviour needs to be confronted sooner rather than later.
| Posted: at | |
thom
gibsonpally
ILOVEIT
ajanni
HOPEA23
Empress_Ameera
mallorca
brendivas
bigbonecrusher
feyee
creativecosmos
donspirado88
xena15
Bantino
Renewed
DHash
sexsyguy
giftmurphy
TRENDING GISTS 
Come Out And Confess Why You Kill Mohbad - Ghanaian Prophet Who Prophesied Junior Pope’s Death Calls Sam Larry
My Mother, Enemy Of Progres!Man Reveals How His Mother Ended His Plans To Travel Out Of Nigeria
I'm Yet To Be Contacted By NFF – Peseiro Breaks Silence On Super Eagles' Return
UPDATE: Security Operatives Launch Manhunt For 109 Fleeing Inmates Of Suleja Prison
How Police Inspector Aliyu Taofeek Sent Patrick Chinemerem to His Early Grave in Lagos
Popular Ghanaian Media Personality, Serwaa Amihere Finally Reacts To Her Leaked S3x Tape